Let the Stream of Consciousness Flow

Ghad, how I missed cyber world! Well, I go to internet shops whenever I have some dough to pull out from my wallet, but it kinda doesn’t suffice the satisfaction I used to have way back in high school. You know… the longer staying hours, the more money burn. Which is why, today is advent day! And heck, I feel so ignorant for a hell pile of reasons.

First of all, it took me so long logging in to blogger. I even committed the error Juca used to do when he, too, wasn’t familiar with blogger – that what the blogger wants us to put in the username tab is an email address. Hay…in addition to that, I feel like grade school again as I type this entry. I don’t know. I sense crap, again. What do you expect? It’s been two months and a couple of days since I last made an entry. Haay… I feel so not myself today. Yuck. I hate how I said that.

Seriously, I don’t feel comfortable with my position right now. After the computer went nuts again, I was left with no choice but to use this laptop again. And hell, I am not used to laptops! No wonder why I produced mediocre outputs during the course of the first semester. Hay… sometimes, it makes me ponder on whether to take an English GE or not. I might mess up with those. Hopefully, I can regain the drive I used to have whenever I type entries.

And I hate how my GEs turned out this first semester! To tell you the truth, all of my GEs are, as they term it, “unoable”. Unfortunately, being the indolent person that you can never take away from my system, I gave no damn to any of them. No wonder why GEs will be the pulling-my-GWA-down factor this semester. I don’t know with my Math 17. The result of the final exam wasn’t released yet, so I still smell danger.

Hay… what makes me more depressed was that I was not able to do the things I wish I have done when the semester ended. It made me realize that I am not really good with disclosures – take the conclusion of the first semester for me as an example. Hay… the same applies with the Christmas parties I have had during high school.

And why do I feel guilty of certain things? I mean, I was hurt – I let all of those out. And now, I feel like I was the one left defeated. Well, reminds me of some quote I have forgotten where movie it came from:

“In this war there are no winners. Just losers.”

I don’t even know if I recalled that one right. Anyway, I hope you have got that one. Sorry for this entire heck I have put here. My thoughts aren’t really organized today. Hay… and I hate how I spoke today in this entry. It sounds really not me. I want the old John Paul back… hay… maybe I’m just too depressed. And oh, let me share a definition of the word “depressed” from a friend of mine. He said that a person is claimed to be “depressed” when he has some sort of loneliness in him for a period of time. It just goes to show that no one can be “immediately depressed”.

Conclusion? I am depressed.

I miss a lot of people. I miss Linnaeus! I miss Dos for Dos! I miss MaSci. I miss Kalayaan. There’s a lot to be missed.

Hope everything that holds me back will alleviate through time. Hay…