Hindi Ako Mapakali

Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit. Nang makarating ako sa bahay, hindi ako masyadong mapakali. Pinaupo ako ni mama sa hapagkainan at sinabing "magpataba raw ako." Kasama ang paborito kong gravy, nilatak ko ang litsong manok.

Hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

Kinuwento ko sa mama ko ang pasang natamo ko isang araw bago umuwi. Hindi ko nga alam kung pasa ba ang tawag dun. Basta tumama ang kuko ng paa ko sa isang elevated platform na hindi naman kasi kapansin-pansin. Nag-alala ako kasi baka kailangang operahan. Buti na lang hindi raw. Sana nga hindi.

Hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

Sa sobrang sabik, kinalikot ni papa ang laptop sa pamamagitan ng pagbrowse sa aking mga pictures. Kasabay nito, tinanong niya ako kung bakit raw nakahubad si Oble. Sinagot ko naman siya ng "Ha? Ewan ko rin eh." Katwiran naman niya, paano raw kung tinanong ako ng mga 'di taga-UP. Ewan ko. Oo nga noh. Haha ;p

Hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

May nararamdaman akong kakaiba sa aking pwetan. Haha. May tagiyawat ako sa pwet. Yuck! Haha. Sakit nga eh hindi ako makaupo sa mga matitigas na upuan, kaya naman sa kama na lang ako.

Hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

Nang dumating ang katropa nina mama at papa, umalingawngaw ang tawanan sa paligid. Hindi naman ako nabahala o kung anuman. Natutuwa nga ako't masaya ang aking mga magulang. Ginugol ko ang oras sa pagbrowse sa internet. Mabilis man ang internet connection, mabagal naman ang gamit kong PC kaya naman ubod pa rin ng bagal ang takbo ng pagsusurf. Tiningnan ko ang multiply accounts ng mga taong espesyal sa aking buhay. Namimiss ko na kasi sila. Basta alam na nila kung sino sila. Naisip ko na baka may tao lang akng namimiss.

Hindi pa rin ako mapakali.

Ewan ko. Ewan talaga. Nagpunta muna ako sa palikuran upang tingnan ang sarili sa salamin. Nalaman ko na lang bigla kung bakit hindi ako mapakali.

Natatae pala ako. Sige hanggang sa muli!

Let the Stream of Consciousness Flow

Ghad, how I missed cyber world! Well, I go to internet shops whenever I have some dough to pull out from my wallet, but it kinda doesn’t suffice the satisfaction I used to have way back in high school. You know… the longer staying hours, the more money burn. Which is why, today is advent day! And heck, I feel so ignorant for a hell pile of reasons.

First of all, it took me so long logging in to blogger. I even committed the error Juca used to do when he, too, wasn’t familiar with blogger – that what the blogger wants us to put in the username tab is an email address. Hay…in addition to that, I feel like grade school again as I type this entry. I don’t know. I sense crap, again. What do you expect? It’s been two months and a couple of days since I last made an entry. Haay… I feel so not myself today. Yuck. I hate how I said that.

Seriously, I don’t feel comfortable with my position right now. After the computer went nuts again, I was left with no choice but to use this laptop again. And hell, I am not used to laptops! No wonder why I produced mediocre outputs during the course of the first semester. Hay… sometimes, it makes me ponder on whether to take an English GE or not. I might mess up with those. Hopefully, I can regain the drive I used to have whenever I type entries.

And I hate how my GEs turned out this first semester! To tell you the truth, all of my GEs are, as they term it, “unoable”. Unfortunately, being the indolent person that you can never take away from my system, I gave no damn to any of them. No wonder why GEs will be the pulling-my-GWA-down factor this semester. I don’t know with my Math 17. The result of the final exam wasn’t released yet, so I still smell danger.

Hay… what makes me more depressed was that I was not able to do the things I wish I have done when the semester ended. It made me realize that I am not really good with disclosures – take the conclusion of the first semester for me as an example. Hay… the same applies with the Christmas parties I have had during high school.

And why do I feel guilty of certain things? I mean, I was hurt – I let all of those out. And now, I feel like I was the one left defeated. Well, reminds me of some quote I have forgotten where movie it came from:

“In this war there are no winners. Just losers.”

I don’t even know if I recalled that one right. Anyway, I hope you have got that one. Sorry for this entire heck I have put here. My thoughts aren’t really organized today. Hay… and I hate how I spoke today in this entry. It sounds really not me. I want the old John Paul back… hay… maybe I’m just too depressed. And oh, let me share a definition of the word “depressed” from a friend of mine. He said that a person is claimed to be “depressed” when he has some sort of loneliness in him for a period of time. It just goes to show that no one can be “immediately depressed”.

Conclusion? I am depressed.

I miss a lot of people. I miss Linnaeus! I miss Dos for Dos! I miss MaSci. I miss Kalayaan. There’s a lot to be missed.

Hope everything that holds me back will alleviate through time. Hay…

I Hate History

"History repeats itself."

Just when and where did I hear that punch liner? If it ever came out from our third year History teacher, I highly doubt that, for I always end up snoring amidst her discussions.

Anyway, never mind that.

It was just a quote ill-favored by our Kas 1 professor, for, according to him, it is we who repeat history. We look back to the past for us to realize our mistakes, and so make ways for innovations. But then, we can never say that a circumstance will always lead to what we have experienced from the past. We live not in a constant context of time and place; all things transpire, and so, change. In fact, we go along with it.

So what's the essence of studying history? It is for the least, having an idea of what to do in a situation when caught by it, then device a plan beforehand, so as to not expect the worst case scenario. But sometimes, it's really hard to assume. No one can really tell what could be the worst. You'll never know when things can go beyond.

~

So when the situation's already there face-forward, is there any harm in trying? Of course there is. It's up to us if we are willing to take the risks waiting ahead. They will hurt the moment they surface, but as they transpire, 'moments' are all they will end. On the latter, when you get to surpass them all, and look at each of it with a smile on your face, that's when you can call it a history.

~

We learn from our past. We learn from history. But then, it is still up to us if we are willing to submit to the enticing outside pleasures, therefore opening the door of repeating history.

It is we who repeat history.

And the most nerve-wrecking part in all this is when you decide to whether let yourself fall down the pit hole or not.

A Cliff and a Hanger

To tell you the truth, I’m not really in the proper mood to publish something worthy here in my oh-so-dusty blog. The almost one month hiatus prior to last update somehow created a “blogger’s” block in me. Anyway, to sum this all up, maybe the lack of proper sleep was the primary reason for all of this.

So what compelled me to post something about my boring life? It’s for me to know and for you to find out. Haha, LOL ;p

The first two months of being a dormer inside our humongous campus was really a new experience for me. To tell you the truth, my academic life really isn’t flourishing recently. Examination scores were, as usual, just fair. No improvements. I’m still the indolent high school student people have known. One reason perhaps regarding why I can’t really focus on my acads is the fact that the Kalayaan Residence Hall really bustles, even in the middle of the night! Insomnia outbreak, perhaps?

So what’s with that?

Nine people slept in a room-for-two space last 3:00 in the morning. Kamusta naman iyon? So I hope that after you have reached this far of my stupid crap, you now know why I feel terribly dizzy.

PS: Wah… I miss my Linnae friends! Two weeks have passed since I last saw them! UP is the one to blame! Why do they have to put all the medical courses in Manila?! Hay… mga kaartehan.

College Life Unfolds!

Still not being able to post something about the tagged thingy courtesy of Kuya Gerome (and Abychu!), I wonder if ever there are bad lucks entailed with it. Anyway, I find it quite surprising being able to come up with a blogpost this afternoon. Unfortunately, I don’t know wherever this post will lead you since spontaneity is in me, again. Anyway, please bear with me.

Time really flies fast, don’t you think? It was as if in a blink of an eye, a decade has transpired. Exagge! Haha. I just can’t believe that for the past two weeks, I was able to adapt to what college life has in store. Well, as of now, life has been smoothly sailing.

~

The first one to spice up my college life perhaps is the FWA (Freshmen Welcome Assembly) A lot of presentations was held by College Mass Communication, College of Human Kinetics, UP Concert Chorus and others (of which I forgot the name). The closing ceremony was filled with UP students rallying again because of TOFI, heeding for stoppage of commercialization of our University by igniting our innocent minds. On the contrary, it only made some of us scared. Others, on the other hand, just can’t help but raise an eyebrow. As we sauntered outside the University Theater, we were surprised by banners with inscriptions like G-23, G-24 etc (block sections that is). The rest was history (since storytelling’s not really my expertise. Haha ;p)

~

To tell you the truth, I wasn’t able to sleep on my first four days of stay in Kalayaan. Others teased me that I was just scared of supernatural life forms that might appear. But actually, it’s because of the additional kutson MJ and I bought at SM North Edsa. Well, I just needed to adjust, that’s all.

So how’s the food? Sometimes acceptable. Oftentimes, you just can’t help but buy food outside even it is just a fishball and the heck. Well, the good thing is that by coincidence, you just happen to meet people who are actually your classmates in some of your subjects. Like for example, I was flabbergasted when I found out that there are five of us Kalayaan residents in my Kas 1 class. Aside from that, I don’t have to bother riding the jeepney all the time since buildings are now just a stone’s throw away. I don’t even have to bother waking up early, which lessen the chances of being tardy in class! What an achievement!

As a welcome assembly for Kalayaan dormers, the UP Singing Ambassadors (a choir recognized worldwide) performed. The night was marvelously great as we listened to their world-class voices. FYI: the group was founded in the said residence hall, mind you.

We also had a corridor assembly led by RA Kuya Alper (or Alfer?!) last Thursday night which was mostly packed up with weird games. It was fun having seen your floor mates and even get to know them. The rest was, again, history.

~

“Matapos tayong grumaduate, dapat magkita na lang tayo after ten years para naman mamiss natin ang isa’t isa!” (After graduation, we should just perhaps meet after ten years so that we would miss each other!)

Well, that one wasn’t quite fulfilled. I guess we really can’t resist the temptation, which is why we again converged from different parts of the globe (which is Metro Manila lang naman. Haha ;p) to our usual meeting place that is MCDO UN. It was fun spending time with them as we did the usual shenanigans. But, as what I have said earlier, I’m not really good in storytelling so I guess I’ll end this one up by saying “The rest is history”. Haha.

~

Last but not least, being one of the first beholders of the Linnaeus ’06 CD, I was able to watch again for the second time around the 35-minute slideshow of Linnaeus pictures (take note: with Background Musics!). It was midnight then and, whether you believe it or not, tears flowed from my eyes (now that’s way eewie!) Up to now, I still can’t help but watch it over again. I even saved it in our computer so that there would be a back-up file.

~

It was also nice that somehow, our block(G-7) is starting to feel free to talk to each other especially in times when we wait for Christopher (our Math 17 professor. Haha ;p) to come. By the way, our block also won in the Amazeng’g Race! Unbelievable! Too bad I wasn’t able to be with them. Well, it’s okay. I hope there’s still a lot in store.

~

Well, I’m quite tired, you know. I haven’t done anything productive this weekend. Fortunately, I did have a couple of nice days within the course of my stay in UP Diliman, though in general, I still miss MaSci. Anyway, I’m really thankful for having such circle of friends!

Harmony

Harmony, when used in context, is regarded in a positive aspect. When you get the sight of birds chirping, blending with the vibrant aura sunrise has to bring, that might conclude of a harmonious start of day. For me, I think harmony has something to do with mixture of elements producing a singular entity. So what’s with this harmony thingy being the center of this contemplation?

I have come to ask: when can one say that the experiences you have had for the past days, or even weeks, have been harmonious? For me, experiences which flooded me for the past weeks had been a harmonious coalescence of good and bad. I first had struggles which I have somehow surpassed, but not overcome. Scathes obtained still hurt, even if I have got used to it an infinite number of times. But when things of more importance appeared into picture, all seemed to have been set aside. I say it’s an upshot that doesn’t have space for self-centeredness; an act of altruism which calls for settlement of everything that has been terribly warring inside your pneuma.

Say of a person who has had a harmonious day: at first, you will think that maybe this person has had a lot of wonderful moments during the course of the day; but then, as I am pointing out in this blog post, it actually is a smorgasbord of good and bad times you have had that day, which brought forth what that person has just had – a harmonious day.

Again, I conclude that I have just had a harmonious three weeks experience, and still counting.

PS: I was just “tagged” by Kuya Gerome and still don’t have any idea how to start it! Well, I promise to have this one done when I get to claim (and not reclaim!) my sanity back (was that of a positive answer or a negative one?). What a firm answer. But honestly, the topic’s entertaining if you ask me.

Manny Villar and The Kabalarian Philosophy

This entry is about to tackle how I saw Manny Villar pass in front of me as the communion was taking into place. Yes, I was in the church when all this “hu-what?!” thing happened. He was wearing his trademark orange shirt tucked in his maong pants, which is why he looked fatter in person.

At first, I was having second thoughts on whether it was really him or not. I was eavesdropping on people chattering around when the mass ended, trying to confirm things out. Finally, while collating my thoughts, I heard the shouts of excitement of small boys saying “Ui, si BILYAR oh!” (take note of the accent).

Having heard of that remark, I felt like waiting for Manny Villar go down the stairs and have a handshake with him. It quite looked like he was campaigning – utilizing each and every second left before the Election Day begins. Anyway, if I were only, at this point of time, at the right age to vote, I would surely include him among my top twelve.

~

On the other side, I tried the site Wilmark Gular recommended - the Kabalarian Philosophy, which gives a description of your first name. It was quite surprising that almost all the descriptions under my name fit. Well, I just said almost. It’s up to you to spot the not.

Your First Name of: John Paul

• While the name John Paul creates the urge to be creative, independent and original, we point out that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a tendency to be moody.
  
• This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses heart, lungs, bronchial area, and tension or accidents to the head.
• The name of John Paul gives you a very individual, reserved, serious nature.
  
• You prefer to be alone with your own thoughts, rather than in the company of others.
  
• This name restricts spontaneity in association and the fluency of your verbal expression.
  
• When you are required to express yourself in personal matters requiring finesse and diplomacy, you feel awkward and embarrassed.
  
• Although you realize perfectly well what is expected of you, you are unable to find the right words, and hence you end up saying something inappropriate in a candid way.
  
• You can express your deeper thoughts and feelings best through writing.

If ever you want to try yours, just put the word “Kabalarian” on your search engine and voila! Hehehe… ‘till then!